Emptiness

 How can we be expected to go through everyday experiencing happiness? There is not a single person out there that I know who hasn't at one point in time felt completely empty.

To define the feeling of emptiness, a person would first have to know what it's like to be overwhelmed with every single emotion there is, then they would have to suppress multiple emotions at once for an extended amount of time. The emotions start to grow and take over a person's mind, then, out of nowhere, they disappear. Everything does. These emotions have been experienced for so long that to not have them inside is to feel empty. 

Holding everything inside, keeping it a secret, is something that can be an asset, unless it is overused, in which case it becomes a burden. The need to express emotions and thoughts becomes difficult, eventually getting to the point where it is natural reflex to lock away thoughts and feelings.

I wish that I could take it all back. All the times that I refused to speak my mind. Those times are the reason I have come to bottle things up. All the emotions and opinions and thoughts, hidden from the rest of the world, so as not to bother them with my problems when there is something much larger than my emptiness out there. 

I want to be able to wake up one day, free from the shackles of my thoughts that I refuse to escape from. I want to forget all the troubles, all the regrets, all the fears. I want to feel something again. I'm tired of feeling empty, abandoned, unwanted. I want to have to stop faking confidence and be able to stand up tall with a true confidence and high self-esteem. 

I'm tired of hiding it all. I'm tired of looking for a way to reverse the reflex to hide things away in my mind. I'm tired of wishing for the impossible. I'm tired of feeling empty.