Emptiness

 How can we be expected to go through everyday experiencing happiness? There is not a single person out there that I know who hasn't at one point in time felt completely empty.

To define the feeling of emptiness, a person would first have to know what it's like to be overwhelmed with every single emotion there is, then they would have to suppress multiple emotions at once for an extended amount of time. The emotions start to grow and take over a person's mind, then, out of nowhere, they disappear. Everything does. These emotions have been experienced for so long that to not have them inside is to feel empty. 

Holding everything inside, keeping it a secret, is something that can be an asset, unless it is overused, in which case it becomes a burden. The need to express emotions and thoughts becomes difficult, eventually getting to the point where it is natural reflex to lock away thoughts and feelings.

I wish that I could take it all back. All the times that I refused to speak my mind. Those times are the reason I have come to bottle things up. All the emotions and opinions and thoughts, hidden from the rest of the world, so as not to bother them with my problems when there is something much larger than my emptiness out there. 

I want to be able to wake up one day, free from the shackles of my thoughts that I refuse to escape from. I want to forget all the troubles, all the regrets, all the fears. I want to feel something again. I'm tired of feeling empty, abandoned, unwanted. I want to have to stop faking confidence and be able to stand up tall with a true confidence and high self-esteem. 

I'm tired of hiding it all. I'm tired of looking for a way to reverse the reflex to hide things away in my mind. I'm tired of wishing for the impossible. I'm tired of feeling empty.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

It's a question we have all heard.
It's also one we never quite have the same answer for.

As little kids, people always ask what you want to be when you grow up, and ,with our vast imaginations, we came up with such things as a princess or the president or a firefighter. These were the things that clouded our minds as children. We always read stories about a prince and a princess or a knight in shining armor or a superhero of some sort, so these are the things we aspired to be because that's all our imagination knew.

As middle schoolers, the only thing we could ever say as a response to that dreaded question was "I don't know." How could we ever be worried about our future as independent adults when we didn't even have any amount of freedom? We would answer with the same response every time and then run off and continue with whatever strange thing we were currently participating in. If you stuck around after that question, there always came the question of where do you want to go to high school/ college that haunted us because we weren't even sure of what we wanted to have for breakfast the next day.

Now, as we grow older and we get closer to those moments of independence, we are forced to reconsider what it truly is we want to be when we grow up. We have to consider every possible option of a major to pursue after we graduate high school and move out to college. The only thing is, none of us are absolutely positive about who or what we want to be when we grow up. We don't even know who we are now and the thought that we are being forced to make the decision of who we want to be in the future throws us into a constant loop of stress and doubt. The continuous line of "what if's" runs through our minds. What if I don't make the right decision? What if I regret going down this path? What if I am forced into something that I can't get out of?

These are the things that haunt us at night. The looming thought of college and independence is such a terrifyingly seductive idea that none of us really consider what is truly at stake: our futures. What we want is to get out and experience what it is really like to be on our own. We crave the freedom that we have never had. The one thing we constantly overlook is that with independence comes great responsibility and maturity. We have to keep the future in mind when it comes to completing high school and the decisions we make while in high school.

There are very few high school students that will tell you that high school is about getting good grades and making it in to a good college. Most students in high school are focused on the idea that they need to be different, but not so much so that others disagree with their actions. They are locked on to the idea that high school is about going out with friends and having the time of their life, and this is true, but only to a certain extent. There comes a point in the decision making process that we need to step back and ask ourselves "What do you want to be when you grow up?" If our actions will assist us in the journey to what our little kid selves dreamed of being, then we should continue with those actions, but on the other hand, if those actions and decisions distract us from the path to our true dream, they are things we must stop.


There are many decisions to be made in life and every single one should be made with one's own future in mind. This does not in any way mean that going out with friends and being stupid on a Friday night should not be something we participate in, but it does mean that if there is something in our life harming us or distracting us from the true path to success, then it is time to get rid of it. Those things that hold us back or force us into giving up our values or passions are the things that we should rid ourselves of.

With our futures constantly in mind, the question that we should always keep in mind is "What do you want to be when you grow up?" This is the one question that pushes us to fight for our dreams and take action to get to our goals. If we want to be remembered we must take action, but if we want to be forgotten we can let others take our place in our dream spot in life.

A broken generation.

It's what we are. It's what we have become. It's what we will continue to be if we don't find a way to change.

There is only so much a person can handle, and once they reach a certain point, they break. But how do we know where that breaking point is for each person? How can we decide that some are broken, some are cracked, some are shattered, yet some are still whole? What defines a person as broken?

Is it crying in the shower?
Is it shutting the world out with headphones?
Is it constantly sleeping to hide from the world?
Is it isolating ourselves from those who care?
Because these are the things that our generation has become accustomed to, and if these define a person as broken, aren't we all completely shattered?

The only problem is, we try our best to disguise those cracks. Everyday, we put on a smile, a mask of some sort, and leave the house to a world where people believe we are whole, when in reality, we are far from it. The daily stress we receive and the expectations we are expected to meet just add to the pressure building up inside that is forcing us to crack to be relieved in any way possible.

Our disguise is the reason we cannot seem to get a grasp on who is broken, and in not being able to recognize the brokenhearted, the broken-spirited, we have nothing that will help to glue those pieces together to make life bearable.

We are all broken in some way, so how do we expect to help the shattered when we are cracked ourselves?

We are a generation of broken souls and broken minds and broken hearts.
We are a generation in need of a helping hand to fit us all back together to be whole again.
We are a generation of puzzle pieces hoping to be a complete picture one day.

Perfection.

It's a word we are all familiar with.
It's a word we often use to describe what we want and desire.
It's a word that we have come to use out of context.

Perfection can be a positive aspect that we aspire to have. We all want the perfect hair, the perfect body, the perfect smile, the perfect personality, the perfect amount of brain power, the perfect life.

But what defines the perfection of those aspects? 
Are we supposed to all have the same vision of perfection?

No. Because in a "perfect" world, we are all different.

So why is it acceptable to compare ourselves to a vision of perfection?
Who says that we are not someone else's vision of perfection?

Often, I find myself wondering what it would be like to have my ideal life. I imagine a world outside the realm of reality. The perfection, so to say, is what captures my interest. A perfect world created by an imperfect mind.

But is that really true? Do we all have an imperfect mind?

Or are we using perfection out of context?
Do we have the perfect mind and body and life that is required to be the perfect version of ourselves?

There is someone out in the world who sees us as the perfect image, but we are constantly changing to be what we think is the perfect image. Those people who look up to us have a reason to do so. We are a perfect version of ourselves. No matter what anyone says, no one can be a better you than you already are. If we consider ourselves imperfect, then the fantasies we should be having are of how different this world would seem if we were not that perfect versions of ourselves, but an imitation of someone else.

Perfection is a matter of perspective. That's all there is to it.
We may seem imperfect in our minds, but if that's the case, why not change to be the perfect image?
Because we can't, that's why. We can't change because we have been made in a perfect image, and can only be the perfect version of ourselves.

Don't compare anything to perfection until you have taken a step back and decided on a perspective.